Are you tired and discouraged with waiting for answers? Feeling fearful? Riding a roller coaster of emotions from panic to hope? If you aren’t now you likely will be at some point in your life. I find myself in the waiting mode right now.
I am in a waiting mode myself this season – waiting for answers about blood values, waiting to be given the freedom to be out and about my normal routine, waiting to be in public without a face mask, waiting to hug and kiss my grandchildren. I have been waiting for about nine weeks now for my hematologist to figure out why my white blood cells are so low. Two weeks ago he told me there was nothing else he can do. He is puzzled and can’t figure out why my blood cells are low so now I am waiting to see the best of the best in New England for their opinion.
Waiting is a lonely business. I find myself afraid, lonely, alone, confused because I feel fine, planning for the unknown future, grieving, and calm. There have been a few things I have done that seem to calm my spirit better:
- Remember to thank God for three things each day… like the sound of a toddler’s laughter, who is living downstairs; or the large robin who settled on our porch railing for a few minutes; or that I am at home and not in a hospital.
- Share what I am thankful for with someone else.
- Walk or get out in the sunshine when it is feasible.
- Do something for someone else weekly – right now that involves writing notes to encourage others who are struggling and praying for them.
And those times that I am really overwhelmed I journal, pray, read the Bible, or talk to a friend. Often in the darkness of fear I am blind to the positive things going on. My fear drowns me. Others throw the lifeline of clarity to me and remind me there is a purpose to everything.